he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
