I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
