i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
