I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
