I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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