So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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