Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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