So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
