he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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