i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He passed out mid-signature
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
