his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
