he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
