It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
