i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize