god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
