im about as happy as oj after his trial
My cat gives me a boner
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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