She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize