i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
