I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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