dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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