My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
