But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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