Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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