Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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