Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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