So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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