I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
