I just saw a hot homeless man
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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