No stitches, just platelets and will power
ugly people sure do ruin things
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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