You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
