You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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