They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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