OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
