mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
