His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
