THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
