He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
