Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
