just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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