Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize