We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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