Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
