I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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