let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
