he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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