I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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