i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
