I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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