the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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