the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
