Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
