I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
