walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
