I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
