Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
