He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
