My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
