No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize