I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
