I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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