so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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