You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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