Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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