i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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