i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
