I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
