Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
