just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
