Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
