so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
