I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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