There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
