I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
