Im at strip club and am horny
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
