also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
