I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize