How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
