dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
