Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
