tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
