she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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