I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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