so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
