Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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