OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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